this one's for you, my ladies ems and sarah

so many of my friends put themselves through so much sh*t for guys...i'm wondering, what is this power they have? i think it may be magic, but not good magic like harry potter, more like black magic. the bad kind. i freak out the moment i like a guy b/c i automatically go into "they don't like me, i'm ugly" mode. it's not a good place to be. so maybe, after all this time of thinking it's them, maybe it's me. am i a self-fulfilling prophecy? i think in my perfect world, everyone would fall in love with my (at times) witty sense of humor and appreciate the fact that i don't practically bone them just to show i'm interested. i like to play it subtle, but even when i do lay it on thick, it's still just me joking around. can someone out there teach me to bat my eyes? what exactly are "hot pants" and where can i get some? i basically have one move, touching the other person affectionately. i learned in from television. i laugh at some joke, maybe put my hand on his shoulder as to say "oh [insert name here], you're so funny, i like you a lot." what i'm actually thinking is "do me now." but that's not as appropriate. and the light touching of the shoulder does not convey that. that's what humping the leg is for (a move i tried on my old roommate, but he just laughed). anyway, i digress...men are evil. but i can't say that without saying the same thing about women. forget stereotypes, but we can really be whiny little bitches. i mean, has anyone read "the rules"? i haven't, so i shouldn't have even brought it up, but i did read something about a rule that the guy must call by wednesday to accept a saturday date. ridiculous. i say, call before 7, and i'm ready to go at 9. is that too desperate? should i be playing hard to get? man, this stuff is all too complicated. and now i must get back to work...i hate mondays.
reagan
"never make anyone a priority who only considers you an option"